H. D. NICOLAY

My unconventional career path

has been shaped by lived experience, international education, and deep personal inquiry.

My biography highlights key milestones that have defined who I am and how I work today. Rather than following a traditional academic path, I sought out teachers and methods that demonstrated real, lasting results.

What matters to me is not titles – but transformation.

The long list of families I’ve worked with stands as living proof of the effectiveness of this approach.

Partner with me – and take the first step toward a more connected, conscious, and fulfilling family life.

Childhood and Career Choices

 My journey began with a clear vision: as a child, I dreamed of becoming a priest. I was deeply drawn to the atmosphere of churches – their energy, stillness, and sense of meaning.

But that dream was abruptly cut short.

Due to spelling mistakes in my entrance exam, I was denied admission to the boarding school required for the priesthood. The rejection left me disoriented and discouraged, without direction or a sense of purpose.

My academic performance declined. I drifted toward rebellious circles that challenged social norms – and sometimes crossed legal boundaries. Out of concern, my parents urged me to pursue computer science, hoping for a stable and secure future. Though I had no real passion for the field, I followed their advice.

After graduating, I founded a company for electronic security systems. I developed patented solutions, built a team of ten employees, and achieved financial success. But inside, I felt unfulfilled. The childhood longing for a life of purpose never disappeared.

The journey from lost teenager to successful entrepreneur taught me essential life lessons: the power of persistence, the value of resilience, and the impact of meaningful support.

More importantly, it set the stage for everything that came next – including the decision to leave that world behind and dedicate myself fully to helping others find clarity, healing, and direction.

From Illness to Purpose

My Journey of Self-Discovery

At the peak of my professional success, I was suddenly faced with a life-threatening illness. During this near-death experience, one truth became painfully clear: I was living someone else’s life. My career in the tech world had brought financial rewards, but no meaning – and certainly no joy.

If I truly wanted to heal, I had to return to my original gifts and rediscover what I was meant to do. This turning point came during a stay at a holistic private clinic. There, I confronted the deeper questions of life:

What is illness? What is health? Is there a purpose to life – and if so, how do we find it?

I immersed myself in the study of psychosomatics and body-oriented therapies. As I connected more deeply with myself, I began to sense a quiet but powerful shift: a return to inner strength, clarity, and direction.

That journey changed everything. It brought not only healing – it brought purpose.

Today, as a coach and mentor, I share what I’ve learned with others. I support people in finding their own path – not by offering easy answers, but by helping them ask the right questions.

Because with the right support, anyone can reconnect with whom they truly are – and create a life that feels whole.

Path to Becoming a Family Therapist and Education Consultant

After a near-death experience and a deep realization that I was living a life that wasn’t truly mine, I sold my successful tech company and began a new journey – one devoted to human development, healing, and education.

Financial independence allowed me to design my own study path. I traveled extensively – to the U.S., Japan, New Zealand, Australia, and India – in search of learning that creates real impact.

At the Universities of Berkeley and Santa Cruz (California), I studied humanistic and transpersonal psychology. Yet I soon realized that academic lectures alone wouldn’t give me the answers I was looking for.

So I sought out the people whose work showed real, lasting results – experts in psychology, neurology, communication, behavioral therapy, education, and spirituality.

What mattered to me was not what people claimed to do, but what they actually achieved.

I studied with them, observed their work in therapy rooms, classrooms, and retreats – and in many cases, lived and trained alongside them until their skills became part of my own.

From this immersive learning experience, I developed my own holistic concepts for family work and pedagogy – tailored to the German social and educational context.

Since 1996, I have provided family therapy, trained teachers and therapists, and supported schools through consulting and workshops – both in Germany and internationally.

At the beginning, I faced resistance: institutions often questioned my lack of formal degrees. But over time, my results spoke louder than titles.

Today, my approach has proven effective across diverse settings – from families and classrooms to training institutes and systemic education reform.

Excerpt of My Studies and Training

My learning journey has taken me across disciplines, cultures, and continents – guided by the question: What truly leads to transformation?

Humanistic Psychology & Neurology

University of California, Berkeley & Santa Cruz (USA)

Family Therapy

Training with Jesper Juul, Virginia Satir and others

Nonviolent Communication

Studies with Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Nada Ignjatovic, and Christa Mor

Transpersonal Psychology

Teachings with Dr. Stan Grof and Jiddu Krishnamurti

Communication & Behavioral Patterns

Intensive work with Dr. Michael Grinder, Robert Dilts, and Tony Robbins

Spinal and Nervous System Release Techniques

Training with Dr. M. McBride and Dr. M. Fleischer

Iyengar Yoga

Studies with Aadil Palkhivala, Michael Forbes, and others

Meditation & Mindfulness

Training at Zen Monastery Obama (Japan) and Vipassana centers worldwide